Wednesday, October 19, 2011

The River

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The River

When I was a little girl, I had a special place I went to when I was happy, sad or just needed a place to be alone. It was the river down the hill from my grandmother’s house. It was always so quiet and peaceful there. It was my place for solitude. I would always be able to get my thoughts together while I sat on the bank and skipped rocks on the river. It didn’t matter if it was raining, sunny, snowing or sleeting, I always made my way to the river when I need to. It was so amazing there. I felt as if I was in my own little world where nothing mattered but me. I miss it very much now.

The river always made the rough times a little easier for me. Bad days would turn out to be at least bearable ones. I remember how upset I used to get at my father when he used to tell me that he was coming to get me and not show up. I would be so excited. I would wait on him for hours and hours. When I finally realized that he wasn’t coming, I would run down to the river crying my eyes out. I would sit down on the bank, and lay my head on my bent knees. Then, I would vent all my frustrations about him to whatever was listening. Then, I would feel this warm embrace all over my body. It seemed like my whole environment was giving me a great big bear hug. The pain would just disappear. I would have this great sense of peace overcome me. Something would tell me, it was going to be okay. It always was too. Now my father and I have a wonderful relationship. I couldn’t ask for a better dad.

The river wasn’t just for the rough times. I couldn’t wait to run down to the river and give it all my good news, too. I would make my mother take me over to my grandmother’s anytime I wanted it to know my accomplishments. One day when I was in the seventh grade, I scored 5 points in a basketball game that our team won 50-10. I was so excited that right after the game, I made my mother drive straight over to my grandmother’s house. I went inside to tell my grandmother first. Then, I ran straight down to my place on the bank to tell about the wonderful day I had. I could just feel the river smiling back at me. I think the river was as excited for me as I was.

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The river was also the place I went to when I had major decisions to make. I just felt as if my mind was a lot clearer down there. I think the hardest decision I ever made with the river’s help, was whether to go straight to college after high school or if I should sit out the first year. I bet I went down to the river everyday for at least a week before I made my decision. I decided to go ahead and start college. I couldn’t have made that decision with out the river’s help. It almost seemed like the river would whisper what it thought would be best for me. I felt like the river was speaking to me, and it was always looking out for my best interest. Thinking about it now, it really seems strange.

No one will ever know how much that river meant to me. All my days there now are nothing but memories. My grandmother has passed away, and my family has since sold the house. I miss going sitting on that river’s bank so much. That place on the river is no longer my safe haven. Since then, I have had to find another place to have that solitude now. It has been really hard because I now have the responsibilities of an adult. I now have a house of my own, a job and two children. I can’t just get up and run down to the river whenever I feel I need to. Fortunately, I have found a place in my house where I can have a little bit of what the river gave me. Now, I get candles, Calgon and soothing music. Then, I run my bath water as hot as I can stand it. I get in, and let the Calgon take me away. No, it’s not the river, but it will do until I have a little more freedom to find it again.

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