Monday, May 7, 2012

Olivia's Internal Monologue

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Internal Monologue

It was only yesterday that my commitment to my poor dead brother was engraved in my brain, and I would not have taken notice of even the most noble and handsome gentleman in Illyria. Not that I do not still mourn for my poor brother’s soul, but…

That man yesterday had a radiance I still cannot fathom to this date. When at first he was saucy at my gates, I thought of him no more than a regular messenger who has come to preach once again of Orsino’s commission.

Then Malvolio claimed he was; “Well-favored”, and Maria too spoke of him as “a fair young man, and well attended.” Perhaps it was wrong of me to let such a man through my gates, but maybe his boldness somehow aroused an interest within me.

‘He’ll stand at your gate like a sheriff’s post,’ hmm, a bold and persevering man he is. But then perhaps I should have cast him away once he was out of his jurisdiction, and asked to see my face. But, it seems that the strong hand of fate has decreed it so, that I should instead listen to Orsino message of obsessive love and perceive it as a declaration of love from this young gentleman.

He is a true gentleman as I have never yet had the pleasure to meet. He seems intelligent and has within him to charm the most malicious of beasts. “Beauty truly blent.’ His words are engraved with meaning, and he speaks poetically as that of a love-stricken poet in search of the true meaning of love.

‘Make me a willow cabin at your gate, and call upon my soul within the house’. How I wish I could record such beauty and play it back again and again in my head until it no longer pleases me to hear it. I never before knew there could be a man with the power to change my mood from that of gloom to such joyful brilliance. His flattery was acceptable, and his charm unmatched. I am sure such a man must be well spoken of amongst the community. Why have I not heard of him? Unless, I pray that he is Orsino himself. Orsino virtuous, handsome, young, and to top it off, poetic! Would it be wrong to fall for such a man even in time of mourning?

But I cannot love him. If Orsino were as poetical as the man today he would have been the one to confront me face to face instead of sending a new messenger every fortnight. He is a true gentleman as he declined my generous reward for his appeal.

‘Let fate show thy force,’ I say time and time again. It seems I have caught the epidemic of obsessive love. Will it let up its hold on me? Well let it be.

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